Painful Past

{Me and C during Chinese New Year 2008}

People say that labor pains are the most painful pains ever. In the bible, labor pains are also often used to describe or depict pain. However, most women I meet say that they forget how painful it was the moment she sees her baby. The joy of seeing her own baby is far greater than the horror of the pain she felt.

For me, I really believed that I would forget the labor pain when I see C. In fact, I was just so optimistic that I would not feel much pain but for the few weeks afterbirth, the trauma was still there. I could remember exactly how painful it was, how tiring the pregnancy was and how tiring and demanding the confinement period was.

I think the confinement period is the worst for me. It is just the peak of everything. My body was weak from labor, adjusting to a new home, having no trusted maid to help me, husband was not around to give mental support, my in laws were here so I was worried about taking care of them, baby could not latch on and my milk came in really late. I was so stressed to the point of mild post partum depression. Yes, there was a period of a couple of days where I was crying every minute, everyday. I was not going to have another baby, I told myself.

Buuuuuttttt, it is true what they say. You forget! Yes, I am starting to forget the whole trauma now that it is easier to take care of C. I know his temperament better and he is not so fragile that every single act seems to be so scary. I really thank God that C is growing so fast and well. Now that he is bigger, I feel less frightened for him. I also really thank God that I have abundant milk for C when I have heard lots of women say that they do not have enough milk for their babies.