Pucker Up!

{Picture of the day}

C loves to pucker his lips especially when he just wakes up from a nap. He would make his already tiny lips even tinier and make himself soooo much cuter.

I am a cow! Moo Moo......

I am currently producing more milk than C is taking. My freezer is filled with bottles of frozen milk and I am now using up my 6 pc 150ml medela milk bags. What am I going to do once I fill those up? I dunno.

This is coming from a woman who only managed to pump out 20 ml in the first week after C's birth. I am now punping out 1.1 L of milk a day and C is only taking in 800-900ml. Some people say that you cannot pump exclusively (only pumping out milk and not have baby direct latch on). Some people think that moms who pump exclusively are not as great as those that breastfeed. For me, the journey to pump exclusively was not easy. It is definitely not a smooth road.

I was so stressed about breastfeeding after the initial 2 weeks. Not only me but C as well , I think. Firstly, my milk did not come in until the 4th day. C was a very sleepy baby and so he would rather not suckle (as my milk supply was not there so there was no food) and just sleep the whole day. After the 2nd day of NO milk, my mom got me to supplement with formula. C was ok with formula, even finished the whole bottle which confirmed my mom's theory that he was hungry but I was not able to feed him. I did not give up and pumped instead using the Avent manual pump. I pumped and pumped even though my breasts yielded nothing. The little colostrum that I managed to squeeze out after hours of pumping, I scraped off the pump using a spoon and spoon fed it to C. In fact, the colostrum was a slight pink color cos it was tainted with blood from my cracked nipple. Yes, breastfeeding was painful for me from the very start.

When my milk supply finally came in on the 5th day, it was so pathetically little that a whole day of pumping only yielded 20 ml, not even enough for one feed. I remember that I was so overjoyed even with that little amount of milk but I still had to supplement with formula and pump every 2 hours for at least 20 mins but I usually pump for dry pump for 30 mins because there was no milk. Therefore, essentially, I only had 1.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep in between even at night. So, when C was awake in beteen pumping time, I had even less sleep.

When I tried to get C to latch on, he would only latch on a short while or non at all as he was not very patient when he was hungry so I succumbed to formula time and again. Around 2 weeks old, C started to prefer the bottle and refused to latch on. He was a bottle baby now. Each feeding session was tears and screams for him. I visited the lactation consultant and even she had to admit that C was a very very stubborn baby and he would rather go hungry than latch on. I was very stressed, C was very stressed. In addition to all the crying, the fatigue, the pain, it was really tiring to pump manually. In fact, I injured my wrist because I was trying to pump too hard.

It was during that time that I asked my cousin if pumping exclusively worked? Whether my milk supply would diminish? She replied me saying that she pumped exclusively for both her sons. And she did it for at least 7 months each time. The key for ensuring your milk supply did not diminish was a good breastpump (medela PIS/Avent Duo Isis/Lactaline) and pumping religiously every 2-3 hours. It was then that I decided to pump exclusively. Rather than have screaming matches each feeding time and resulting in diminished milk supply in 3 months, I would rather follow a scheduled pumping time and ensure that C get to have breastmilk for the next 6 months. My goal changed from getting C to latch on to ensuring that I pumped every 2-3 hours and to build my milk supply.

Slowly, I was rewarded for the sleepless nights. My milk supply increased to 100ml, 200ml and by the 4th week, I could feed C with breastmilk all day and only supplement with formula at night. By the 5th week, I stopped the formula and just fed him breastmilk. By the 6th week, I dun have enough bottles for my breastmilk. Luckily, a lady in the motherhood forum gave me forty glass bottles and I started to freeze my milk. Now, my supply is more than enough so even if C increased his food intake, I am confident of meeting his demand.

If I had to do it all over again, I would still choose to pump exclusively because C was a sleepy baby and he really needed to supplement with formula in the early days. The most important thing for me was that C was gaining weight. As long as he did so, it did not matter whether it was breastmilk or formula. There comes a time when you got to ask yourself whether you are insisting on breastfeeding because of your own vanity or for baby's health.

For mothers whose baby are a natural at breastfeeding, good for you! But for those mothers whose babies are not able to latch on, don't fret and be discouraged, there is an alternative route and that is to pump exclusively. Two weeks ago, I discovered that there are many resources on pumping exclusively. From this website (http://www.pumpingexclusively.com/) and others, I managed to get a lot of advice and tips which I found really useful as you can tell by now that there are not many information about pumping exclusively. Even lactation consultants might not be very encouraging prefering you to direct latch on instead and it sometimes makes you feel guilty instead. Hey, as long as you are feeding breastmilk to the baby and you are really trying your best, your baby will know.

So, here it is, I think the pros and cons of pumping exclusively versus breastfeeding:

Pro:

1. You are able to know how much baby is drinking

2. You can schedule your pumping time so you can increase milk supply by increasing pumping times

3. It takes a shorter time to pump than to latch on

4. Other people are able to feed the baby while you catch some rest

Cons:

1. Some vitamins might be lost when you reheat the milk

2. You need to wash and sterilize bottles and pumps

3. You need to heat up the milk before feeding

4. You have to bring more things when you go out with baby and you can't always find places to heat up the milk

If my baby was not so sleepy, I would rather train him to latch on, of course. So, for my next baby, I hope to learn from this experience and get baby to latch on immediately. Also, I hope that once my milk supply has stabilized, C is able to relearn latching on. We will have to see for now.

{Picture of bottles of frozen milk in my fridge}

Painful Past

{Me and C during Chinese New Year 2008}

People say that labor pains are the most painful pains ever. In the bible, labor pains are also often used to describe or depict pain. However, most women I meet say that they forget how painful it was the moment she sees her baby. The joy of seeing her own baby is far greater than the horror of the pain she felt.

For me, I really believed that I would forget the labor pain when I see C. In fact, I was just so optimistic that I would not feel much pain but for the few weeks afterbirth, the trauma was still there. I could remember exactly how painful it was, how tiring the pregnancy was and how tiring and demanding the confinement period was.

I think the confinement period is the worst for me. It is just the peak of everything. My body was weak from labor, adjusting to a new home, having no trusted maid to help me, husband was not around to give mental support, my in laws were here so I was worried about taking care of them, baby could not latch on and my milk came in really late. I was so stressed to the point of mild post partum depression. Yes, there was a period of a couple of days where I was crying every minute, everyday. I was not going to have another baby, I told myself.

Buuuuuttttt, it is true what they say. You forget! Yes, I am starting to forget the whole trauma now that it is easier to take care of C. I know his temperament better and he is not so fragile that every single act seems to be so scary. I really thank God that C is growing so fast and well. Now that he is bigger, I feel less frightened for him. I also really thank God that I have abundant milk for C when I have heard lots of women say that they do not have enough milk for their babies.

"Dream" land

After C's 6th week, I have been waiting for that 'real' smile or laugh. (Babies sometimes looks like they are smiling but actually is just a response to gas, thus the fake smile). I caught his first smile yesterday when I was playing with him. I was giving him one of my really cheesy, wide mouth, big teeth, small eyes smile and the next moment, he was giving me a smile of his own. Just one smile though, C is not big on generosity. Did not smile again no matter what I do.

This morning after his 7:30 am feed, he actually laughed out loud while he was being burped. All this with his eyes closed throughout. Therefore, I have deduced that he is probably having the nicest dream ever. Maybe, he was swimming in good warm milk or perhaps having 10 baths in a day. That should make his day! Anyways, C's first laugh is in his dreams.....guess I have to work harder to amuse him when he is awake.